Anyway, I can honestly whole-heartedly say that this past year has been one of the best in my entire life, largely in part to these girls and their parents. I first met them the night of Thursday January 22nd. At that time I had no idea the relationship I was to develop with Lindsey Chase and Ashton Elise. I will never forget how small and fragile looking they were. Born premature and just barely getting to know their new environment. I was overwhelmed with the realization that just a short time before, these were children who were waiting and playing together in heaven. Two little girls chosen to join Shane and Truly, and I was lucky enough to spend time caring for them and getting to know them.
**I know this post may be long and unimportant to some, but for my memory's sake I really wanted to write some of this down so I don't forget and so the girls will know.
That first night I spent with Ashton. I remember getting the rundown on warming up breastmilk, how to wrap them so they'd feel safe and secure, which drops to give who etc. I think I stayed awake that whole night just staring at Ashton, anxious to make sure she was comfortable and that I was doing everything correctly. She slept and ate and slept and ate, diaper change, and then slept and ate some more. I instantly felt a bond developing between me and the twins as I spent that first night just watching them with their new parents. It was such a peaceful night for me. The weight of Ashton's little sleeping body on my chest was a feeling that I just got addicted to.
After that night I kept telling Truly how I wanted to come back whenever they needed me. Luckily for me they took me up on my offer. From then on, rarely has a week gone by that I haven't spent time with the girls. They have brought me incredible amounts of joy, and as cliche as it sounds they have taught me so much. They are so loving and forgiving. Anyone who has been around them recognizes their special little spirits. Shane and Truly went through so much to get these girls and after all the scares and complications, for them to come into this world so perfect, it's undeniable to me that they are choice spirits.
Now, before this turns into a novel, Just a few things I want to remember about my first year with Lindsey and Ashton.
Ashton--
You were the first one I spent the night taking care of. You went easy on me and loved me quickly. You are such a smart baby, I feel like you caught on to things so fast. I'll never forget when you put your hands up on both sides of your bottle like you wanted to hold it even though you weren't strong enough yet. Uncle Matt says you like him the best because you always give him sweet smiles and you don't mind hanging out on his lap while he makes funny faces. One of the funniest moments during my time as your 'night nurse' was when you were asleep face down on my chest after finishing your bottle. I had burped you but didn't think you got out everything that was there. I started to doze off and then you lifted up your little head, eyes closed, and burped in my face. I had to try and not laugh hysterically for fear of waking you up. Your mom said to me once that she felt like you were sensitive to the moods of those around you and I completely agree. I think you know when someone needs a little extra love and you give it freely. A quality I'm sure others will always recognize in you.
Lindsey--
Our bond started about a month and a half in. You needed a little more one-on-one time than your sister, which I was excited to give. I spent the majority of my nights with you, trying to find the 'sweet spot' that would make you comfortable. I walked probably 20+ miles worth of laps around the kitchen during those nights trying to soothe you. I remember your dad warning me that you were very independent. I found out quickly how true that is. Sometimes it sure was a struggle, but worth it. Hearing you breathe on my chest and feeling your tiny hands squeeze my finger or pull at my shirt made those nights very tender memories for me. Whenever you started to cry, not once not ever was I frustrated. I sincerely wanted to make it better and would try anything to do so. You were funny too. I remember putting you on the changing table (when that was the sweet spot) and I could have entire conversations with you. I'd ask a question and you'd answer back with perfect timing. It could go on and on and I thought it was hilarious. I don't doubt that you'll always be very independent, going one step ahead, leading the rest.
Matt and I love you SO much and we always will.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!
2 comments:
We went to the birthday party last night - so funny - Lindsey did not like eating her cake with her hands. Apparently, she doesn't like to get her hands dirty. It was a lot of fun - and so many presents. We missed you. Hope you made it all right.
Love
Emotions. I'm flooded with many right now. Toni, I'm so glad Ashton has your middle name. Rarely, if ever, do I get on someones elses blog and feel as though I'm going to cry. I can't hardly think straight. What you wrote about my babies; what you feel for them is exactly how a mother really feels. Next to Shane and I, you know them best. You know the difference between cries and you know how to make them laugh. The funniest thing is when you walk in the room they want nothing to do with me...or shane. I love that you know the first time you came over was a thursday and I cannot tell you how much I love what you wrote specifically to each of them. It's perfect. Perfect. You don't miss a thing girl! When I told yuo I think Ashton is sensitive to the moods around her who'd have thought you REALLY took that in and remembered it. I know how much you love them but it was so neat (more than you know) to read about some of your experiences with them. During those times, I knew they were in good hands but I was barely hanging on myself and to read how much you soaked it in makes me feel like everything was under control, at least while you were at the house helping. If that makes sense. I remember there were times I couldn't keep my head up and I swear I had angels helping me through the motions of getting by and a part of me felt like I was robbing the girls of sweet memories then there was you. You were my angel and you were able to soak up the moments I couldn't during that time. I'm SO touched you treasured those days and called them some of the "best moments of your entire life." Toni I just have grown to love you so much more than you can understand. I'm printing this post out and putting it in the girls baby books. thank you so much, thank you for loving them that much, thank you for continuously being in their lives, thank you for agreeing to come over that FIRST thursday night!
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