"Don't Speak Unless You Can Improve on Silence"--Grandpa

The Funeral services for my Grandfather were just beautiful. Friends and Family came from all over to express their love and support to our family, especially to Grandma Stauffer. She and Grandpa made friends all over the U.S. (and the world) during their many travels. The morning of the service was cold and cloudy, but once we were seated in the Chapel, the sun kept brightly shining through the stained glass window and it shone down right on Grandma. I will never forget that. Grandpa was definitely with us.

I wrote a poem for Grandpa a few weeks before he passed. I wasn't going to post it but after Shelly read it during her talk at the funeral, a few people have asked me to share it. I'm glad I wrote it in time for Grandpa to read it.

The back story is that Grandpa always kept this poem by Ogden Nash on the refrigerator:

People expect old men to die,
They do not really mourn old men.
Old men are different. People look
At them with eyes that wonder when...
People watch with unshocked eyes;
But the old men know when an old man dies.

I never liked that poem. Maybe I would've if it didn't constantly remind me of the inevitable. So I decided to write a rebuttal.

"Rebuttal to Ogden Nash"

Nash says only old men know when an old man dies,

But I would have to disagree.

For I have known, loved, and learned from an old man

Who passed his last name down to me.

Many a rose has felt his touch,

And flourished in his care.

And to friends in need he has always rushed

To give some comfort there.

He set foot on every continent

Saw all the beauty the world has to offer

But his heart was always most content

With his grandsons and his granddaughters

We built Thanksgiving pyramids,

And picked weeds in his yard for a dime

This old man has had a constant goal

To never waste life’s time.

Patty cakes and peas porridge hot

Mairzy doats and Rubber Baby Buggy Bumpers

Smelterites we never forgot

Oh Grandpa, there will never be another.

As the years rolled on he held his sweetheart’s hand

and his smiling eyes never faded

His pride and joy of a head full of hair?

Even chemo couldn’t take it.

All the memories that we share,

The stories, sports, and songs,

Generations will know you, when you’re not here

Because we will pass these memories along.

So lest you think only old men know

when an old man’s time is through

I will stand and say that is incorrect

For Grandchildren know it too.

--September 2010

Grandpa Stauffer

I haven't blogged in awhile because all of my and my family's focus has been on experiencing the last weeks of my Grandfather's life. Matt and I have gone out and done fun things, but all the while on my mind has been my dear Grandfather. 

If I were to blog all the memories I have with him and my Grandmother, it would take a novel. Instead for my own journaling purposes I just want to jot down a few things. 

I am so glad that in college I got to play basketball with him. I'd go visit and spend the night, he'd come tap on my door at 5am and wake me up to go play basketball with men from his Stake. There were plenty of times I felt way too tired (or nervous at being the only girl) but I went anyways and I'm so glad I did. I have such fun memories from those early morning pick-up games. He taught me the number one rule in basketball, "Stay between your man and the basket." I've heard that all my life from him and from my own Father. Funny how it has taken on a double meaning now.

He taught me to appreciate nature and flowers, and to enjoy the hard work of an uphill hike. Lemon trees, freshly mowed grass, roses and the Beach Boys will always remind me of him. 

About a year ago he talked to me and my sister about his Patriarchal Blessing, and how--with some recent genealogical work--he had accomplished everything listed. (I didn't know that was possible!) Missionary work, a strong family, world travels, countless acts of service, and genealogy to name just a few of the things he accomplished here on earth. Then he joked to us, "Well, since I've got all that done it won't be long 'til the Lord calls me home to do more work." He was right. 

My family and I miss him terribly all ready, but that's because we love him so much.  It's going to be really hard for awhile. But we are not sad because we know where he is and that we will see him again. I wish that everyone whoever lost a loved one could have that same assurance. 

Richard Vern Stauffer

Richard Vern Stauffer, “Dick”, of Murray Utah passed away October 21, 2010 after a long and joyful life.

Dick was born in Salt Lake City on August 7 1929 to Vern Henry and Irene Millard Stauffer.  An avid sports fan since childhood, some of Dick’s favorite memories of his youth were spending time with his siblings David, Jerry, Rosalee, and Joni, and playing catch with his father.

He met his one and only sweetheart, Joyce McCleery, when they both attended Murray High School. They had their first date on New Year’s Eve and then fate took over.

After graduation he served a two-year mission for the L.D.S. Church in California. He married Joyce a month after he returned and they began their vibrant journey together as husband and wife.  They had plans to attend BYU, but one week after enrolling they received the draft letter in the mail.

Drafted into the army Dick and Joyce spent time in Fort Lewis Washington, Fort Bliss Texas, and Fort George Meade Maryland. Joyce worked as a GS 2 Clerk, and Dick was a Corporal.

After their time in the service, Dick attended the University of Utah while Joyce worked at a mortgage company.  They soon had their first child, their daughter Richele.

Dick studied Economics and earned his MBA. He got a job with Del Monte In San Francisco and they moved to California, where they would reside for over 30 years. In California, they added two sons to their family, Preston and then Brett. Dick took a job at Riches Research in Palo Alto, and later returned to San Francisco to work for Bechtel. The family moved to Pleasant Hill and made numerous life long friends.

With Bechtel, Dick traveled to over 100 countries and set foot on every continent.

He served as Bishop of the Pleasant Hill Ward, then the High Council, and was then called to be the Branch President of the Cambodian branch. Dick and Joyce loved their time working with the Cambodian people.

Dick and his sons participated in numerous softball, volleyball, and basketball leagues. Many of those games gave way to exciting stories to be told over the years.

Another lifelong passion for Dick was the Boy Scouts organization.  He dedicated innumerable hours of service to the Boy Scouts and was always trying to find the next backpacking or scuba diving trip to go on.  Of his many adventures and 50-mile hikes, he always said Half Dome was his favorite.

One of his last big trips was the John Muir trail up to Mt. Whitney with his Explorer Post.

In 1997 Dick and Joyce returned to their hometown of Murray, Utah. Dick was elected to the Murray City Council, becoming close friends with Mayor Dan Snarr. He has since served on the Murray City Power Board.

 An avid gardener, Dick sanctioned the Murray city Rose Garden and loved working in his yard. He was also a frequent writer of ‘Letters to the Editor’ in the Deseret News and Salt Lake Tribune. Dick was always ready for a pickup game, a service project, or to entertain a fussy baby.

Dick and Joyce became Sunday Dinner central for all their grandchildren attending BYU, as well as for many friends who came to know them as Grandma and Grandpa Stauffer.

He is survived by his wife, three children, 10 grandchildren, six great grandchildren, 27 nieces and nephews and countless other ‘adopted’ grandkids, who all brought him joy throughout his life.

His motto and parting words of advice to all family and friends,  “Stay between your man and the basket.”

The family wants to express their thanks and gratitude to Alpine Hospice, namely Carol, Janine and Sandy. Words cannot express our love and appreciation to our daughter, Richele, who became her father's medical advocate along with our granddaughters, especially Stacie. They all took such loving care of him.

Donations can be made to the L.D.S. Perpetual Education Fund.